(He sees the sapphire - how can he not? He is an Elf who is drawn to jewels and fine metal. But Yukari concerns him more and he approaches closer, voice softening.)
I admit I don't understand them. If you could explain your reasoning, I would be grateful.
[Yukari can't help but unconsciously take a step back from Celebrimbor's steps forward. Fear? Maybe not quite, but Yukari was definitely unsettled by it.
The truth. Celebrimbor should have the truth.]
Yes, well... That is why I'm here.
There isn't really anything to understand. I... saw your father's life in danger, and I would have done anything to keep it. And... yes. To me, that meant sacrificing you as well if I had to.
[A sigh. He knows how that sounds. Because it's exactly how it sounds. Yukari didn't care about anyone else's well being. He acted on what he wanted. The rest could burn.]
Of course, Curufin-san protested, and I wouldn't listen. In my mind, I thought...
I thought even if it meant losing him, as any form of companion, it would be worth it if I could just save him. I hurt him. [And himself] I knew I was making him suffer. I purposefully ran his heart into the ground to achieve what I wanted. I broke my promise to you, Celebrimbor-chan. I said I would never willingly hurt him, and I did. All because I believed I was right.
[He won't mention how much it tore him apart from the inside to do all of this. How it felt to keep going to the bitter end of that decision and the endless regret that came with it. Nor anything between then and now.
Cel asked for his reasoning, and that's all Yukari will give. This isn't about what he feels, it's about what he did. And he's prepared to face whatever consequences might come from it.]
(He definitely has it in him to be the scary father figure to anyone/everyone who wants to date his daughter. Sadly she had perished far too soon for that to be a worry. So maybe he is projecting some of his frustration on Yukari. But they both know he has a soft heart.)
I would have sacrificed myself for him without you asking. (Not that it would have made Curufin happy, but at least he would have been alive.)
Something is missing. You were willing to save him at any expense - that is an idea he should understand well. So how were you hurting him?
Because I would not back down, even when he told me not to go after anyone. I refused to change my mind, and thus tried to drive him as far away from me as I could.
[Not that Curufin would listen to him no matter how much he resisted. Elves are meddlesome and idealistic. But that didn't stop Yukari from throwing almost anything he could onto the bridge to burn it at the time.]
I may have said some pretty cruel things. I told him to forget all about me.
[A breath.]
I am a monster, and... back then, I didn't think anything would change that. I don't know if it will change it even now.
[But he's trying. He's putting up a fight to defeat the bloodlusting mercenary he is on the inside.]
(He thinks he understands a little better, yet there is something Yukari is missing. Celebrimbor wonders if it is his place to...ah...fill in the gaps. Biting his lower lip, he leans against one of the tables, crossing his arms over his chest.)
My father has committed...atrocious...crimes. I love him in spite of his past, but there are many on Arda who remember him as a monster too.
(His brow furrows.)
You can ask him whether he regrets what he has done; I believe he does. Yet that does not change the fact that he is a murderer. I don't know if you were under the mistaken impression he was somehow...untainted...
(Cruelties are part and parcel to being a Fëanorian bound by that abominable Oath.)
I saw a side to my Atar that made me cut ties with him and my uncles. He perished without me and I truly fear for his fëa. But while he is here, I hold no grudge against him. I see that he is bettering himself and I am glad of it.
No, he has reminded me regularly. But there are... other things I found that lacked to be true.
[A small part that still stings. But he's forever trying to ignore that sitting pain. He's not sure what to make of it. A lie is the best thing he can say that promise was, but he doesn't want to think of Curufin as a liar, so it remains an impasse for him. And he refuses to talk about it because what are healthy communication skills.]
What makes you think I would be able to change? I betrayed my first King because life was too peaceful. Betraying Curufin was hardly any different wasn't it?
Such as? (He looks puzzled. Curufin has never lied to him - even when the truth was so painful to bear that it felt like a hand was around his heart, squeezing it mercilessly.)
You have allowed yourself to feel something for my father. You have allowed the relationship to continue. I think you have more hope in yourself than you acknowledge.
It is so much less than faith in myself, Celembrimbor-chan. It is only that I found that I suffered more without your father than I did with him. Much more, if I'm honest. And I fear... No, I wholeheartedly believe that it will not be permanent, given who I am.
I will take my time by his side so long as he permits. But we all know I'm unforgivable.
[Dodging the question? Not entirely. The information is present, Yukari's just not saying directly that it's what it is.]
I have only met one who was unforgivable and you are not him. (But it might take too long for Yukari to realize that.) Don't end your happiness or his prematurely. It would be a waste.
Someone who has done worse than I have? I find it hard to believe. Not that it ever really bothered me.
[Not until someone offered him forgiveness for it, anyway.]
In any case... I have failed him and, by extension, you. I hurt your father willingly. And yet, I still fail to understand your family. I thought it was just you and him, but Maglor-chan, too.
[Strangest genetic trait he's ever seen - an inclination to forgive attrocities.]
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I admit I don't understand them. If you could explain your reasoning, I would be grateful.
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The truth. Celebrimbor should have the truth.]
Yes, well... That is why I'm here.
There isn't really anything to understand. I... saw your father's life in danger, and I would have done anything to keep it. And... yes. To me, that meant sacrificing you as well if I had to.
[A sigh. He knows how that sounds. Because it's exactly how it sounds. Yukari didn't care about anyone else's well being. He acted on what he wanted. The rest could burn.]
Of course, Curufin-san protested, and I wouldn't listen. In my mind, I thought...
I thought even if it meant losing him, as any form of companion, it would be worth it if I could just save him. I hurt him. [And himself] I knew I was making him suffer. I purposefully ran his heart into the ground to achieve what I wanted. I broke my promise to you, Celebrimbor-chan. I said I would never willingly hurt him, and I did. All because I believed I was right.
[He won't mention how much it tore him apart from the inside to do all of this. How it felt to keep going to the bitter end of that decision and the endless regret that came with it. Nor anything between then and now.
Cel asked for his reasoning, and that's all Yukari will give. This isn't about what he feels, it's about what he did. And he's prepared to face whatever consequences might come from it.]
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I would have sacrificed myself for him without you asking. (Not that it would have made Curufin happy, but at least he would have been alive.)
Something is missing. You were willing to save him at any expense - that is an idea he should understand well. So how were you hurting him?
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[Yukari briefly averts his gaze elsewhere.]
Because I would not back down, even when he told me not to go after anyone. I refused to change my mind, and thus tried to drive him as far away from me as I could.
[Not that Curufin would listen to him no matter how much he resisted. Elves are meddlesome and idealistic. But that didn't stop Yukari from throwing almost anything he could onto the bridge to burn it at the time.]
I may have said some pretty cruel things. I told him to forget all about me.
[A breath.]
I am a monster, and... back then, I didn't think anything would change that. I don't know if it will change it even now.
[But he's trying. He's putting up a fight to defeat the bloodlusting mercenary he is on the inside.]
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My father has committed...atrocious...crimes. I love him in spite of his past, but there are many on Arda who remember him as a monster too.
(His brow furrows.)
You can ask him whether he regrets what he has done; I believe he does. Yet that does not change the fact that he is a murderer. I don't know if you were under the mistaken impression he was somehow...untainted...
(Cruelties are part and parcel to being a Fëanorian bound by that abominable Oath.)
I saw a side to my Atar that made me cut ties with him and my uncles. He perished without me and I truly fear for his fëa. But while he is here, I hold no grudge against him. I see that he is bettering himself and I am glad of it.
Why can't you do the same?
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[A small part that still stings. But he's forever trying to ignore that sitting pain. He's not sure what to make of it. A lie is the best thing he can say that promise was, but he doesn't want to think of Curufin as a liar, so it remains an impasse for him. And he refuses to talk about it because what are healthy communication skills.]
What makes you think I would be able to change? I betrayed my first King because life was too peaceful. Betraying Curufin was hardly any different wasn't it?
[Except that it completely was.]
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You have allowed yourself to feel something for my father. You have allowed the relationship to continue. I think you have more hope in yourself than you acknowledge.
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I will take my time by his side so long as he permits. But we all know I'm unforgivable.
[Dodging the question? Not entirely. The information is present, Yukari's just not saying directly that it's what it is.]
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Someone who has done worse than I have? I find it hard to believe. Not that it ever really bothered me.
[Not until someone offered him forgiveness for it, anyway.]
In any case... I have failed him and, by extension, you. I hurt your father willingly. And yet, I still fail to understand your family. I thought it was just you and him, but Maglor-chan, too.
[Strangest genetic trait he's ever seen - an inclination to forgive attrocities.]